“Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view”

- Obi-Wan Kenobi

Anybody who pays attention to the news has heard the latest buzzwords. The fact that you’re reading this newspaper indicates you’re probably familiar with the recently-used “embedded reporter” and “pre-emptive strike”. In the past we’ve had “chads” hanging, “global warming” percolating, and a very secure “locked box”.

It’s not just the news, though. Our culture is full of them. Remember when you could actually buy a “used” car? Can’t do that now, as the Marketing Gods waved a wand and those cars all became “pre-owned”, seemingly overnight. This was, of course, after these same Gods brought “antibacterial” into our culture. Soaps are now considered less effective if they don’t have that magic word stamped on their containers, even though most soap, by its very nature, is antibacterial!

When it comes to computers, the list of buzzwords is overwhelming. Instead of reciting a boring list, we’ll instead examine a few important words. Keep in mind that buzzwords are frequently heard because 1) it’s a good marketing hook, 2) it sounds impressive and gives the speaker credibility, and 3) sometimes they’re actually important. Sometimes.

Virus

It’s a word that strikes fear until you understand what a computer virus is and how to protect yourself from one: You can think of a computer virus much like its biological counterpart. A virus is a small program that can be passed invisibly from computer to computer. When a virus arrives at a computer, it can do different things, like delete files, slow the PC down, cause Windows to crash, and other nasty effects.

How can you protect yourself? Easy: Go to your local computer store and pick up some “antivirus software”. For about $40, and a subscription of about $10 per year, you can keep your PCs free of viruses.

In 2003, an antivirus program is a requirement for any computers that read email, connect to the Internet, or share disks with other computers. Viruses are now advanced enough that you can “catch” a computer virus simply by browsing to an infected web page! The old days of just watching your email closely are over. At some point, no matter how careful you are, your computer will come into contact with a virus. It’s the same as driving without a seat belt - at some point you will get in an accident, so you’d better be protected when it happens. Antivirus software, a sad sign of the times, is a necessity.

Spam

An ugly cousin of the virus is internet spam. Legend has it the term for spam came from a comedy sketch by the Monty Python comedy troupe: The theme of the sketch was customers visiting a restaurant. The customers try to order different kinds of food, and the restaurant owners offer them nothing but spam. Even after a customer screams “I don’t like spam!” the restaurant owners insist they have some.

Spam is any email you don’t want, never asked for, and probably never need. It could be advertisements, pornography, requests for money or personal information, and at the very least is something you Just Don’t Want. At this point, there are a few programs you can use to combat spam, including some built-in filters within Outlook, Outlook Express, and other mail programs. Some of you may be aware of the Do Not Call Registry, a service that will prevent almost all telemarketing phone calls for those who put their names on a government maintained list. This list is available now. Legislation for spam email is slower, but hope is on the horizon. In the meantime, there are a few things you can do to avoid spam.

Firewall

Think of your computer as a house. Houses all have a few things in common: A street address, windows and doors. If I’m a burglar and want to break in to your house, I can go to your address, break open a window or door, and walk in. A firewall is an additional level of protection. To continue the analogy: A firewall boards up your windows, reinforces your doors, and hides your street address, all while allowing full access to the house by authorized people. Bad guys will have a much more difficult time getting in.

A firewall is an additional level of security that may not be required, depending on your situation: For a home user with a single computer, using a slow dial-up connection to access the Internet, a firewall really is not needed. If you have a high-speed connection to the internet, like a cable modem or DSL line, or if you have multiple PCs sharing your one internet connection, a firewall would be a very smart investment.

You may have noticed that I tossed in a few buzzwords of my own. Sometimes you just can’t help it – Can you talk about a rainbow without saying the words “red” or “blue”? Maybe, but it would make things more confusing. So, in an attempt to lessen the frustration in translating what those computer people are talking about, use this website:

http://www.webopedia.com

This website is a dictionary of computer technology words, including popular computer buzzwords. Use it to impress your friends when you’ve run out of conversation. In addition, reading computer terminology is a great way to help you fall asleep at night.